Indescribable by Candice Derman

Author:Candice Derman
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-624-05151-0
Publisher: Media24 Books
Published: 2011-06-24T04:00:00+00:00

still fourteen

I’m growing frustrated and angry. Everything feels like it’s coming to a head, a pimple that needs to be squeezed. I am so alone, winded by life, dead but not. There is blood coursing through my veins, wet in my eyes and panic in my body.

Something is burning in me. I don’t know why or where it is coming from but I want to meet my real dad. I don’t care that my memories of him aren’t packed with fun. I’m desperate, ready for him to deliver me from evil and save my soul. I’m not really sure how to handle the situation, because Mom hates Lionel and doesn’t want to have anything to do with him. Loving him may mean I don’t love her. Kim and I aren’t close so I wouldn’t discuss it with her and Jodi is on her own mission, so I choose to speak to Romy.

“Rome, I’ve been thinking.”

“Yah,” she is kind of ignoring me, studying for her history exam. Maybe Napoleon is much more interesting.

“It’s a secret and I don’t want you to tell anyone.”

She looks up at me; I manage to get more of her attention.

“A secret?”

“Yah, there is something I want to tell you, but you’ve got to promise not to tell anyone.” Now I have her full attention. Napoleon is out the door and history where it should be.

Romy looks concerned, I’m not sure why. Her golden locks around her angel face somehow look like they’re dropping. Her beautiful electric green eyes start turning a dull, stained yellow. She stares at me. Silence. I’m worried, confused; what does she know? We stare at each other and I recognise her expression: a dark, sombre look. I reflect the same look back at her.

“Candice, what do you want to tell me?”

“Well …”

“Just tell me.”

“Okay, it’s …”

“Has Joe done something to you?” There is terror in her voice.

What? Oh my G-d! Where did that come from? My heart feels like it’s been punched, the air rushes from my lungs. I start to float.

“Has he touched you? Candice, I asked you a question.”

I can’t answer. This is not where I was going, not what I wanted to face, not now, not ever. Get me out of here body.

“Candice!”

I can’t answer her, I won’t answer her, but somehow from deep inside my belly, from the back of my throat, a “yes” forces open my tightly shut mouth. My evil body has deceived me. I wanted to leave but she has forced out the ugly truth.

“Yes.”

This voice is not mine; it’s old and has kept a dark secret for a very long time.

It feels like the “yes” echoes around us. Oh my G-d, how did that come out? A secret I’ve been carrying for a childhood eternity has just left my body. I’m stunned. I’m looking at Romy and Romy is looking back at me. There is a deathly silence.

“When did it start?”

I am a robot, dutifully answering her questions.

“Before Mom and Dad got married.”

“How often?”

“Nearly every day?”

“Has he done more than touch you?”

“Yes.

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